If you see me walking around today with bruises on my face, don't panic. I fell on the remote control a couple of times from brain deadness. Alas, even Quentin Tarantino's all-powerful pointy chin (the night's mentor) has no effect on the bland and blank-faced top 7 finalists of American Idol. A quick rundown of song choices, which might put you to sleep, so clear your desk of any sharp objects:
- Allison Iraheta, "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" from Armageddon. She seemed a little lost in the orchestral arrangement and the pitch was way too low that she kept tucking her chin in. Sorry, obsessed with chins today. Predictable song choice, David Wipe-That-Smirk-Off-Your-Face did it better. My song choice for Allison: "For Your Eyes Only" by Sheena Easton (Awyeah!) from movie of the same title, Blondie version from the album Hunter.
- Anoop Desai, "Everything I Do (I Do It for You) from Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves. Tarantino's shifty eyes says it all, COVER YOUR EARS NOW! Another wide-eyed puppy performance. He has a great tone and all but the runs didn't hide the fact that this is a Bryan Adam's ballad. First bruise of the night. My song choice for Anoop: Anything not Bryan Adams. Maybe "Kiss From a Rose" by Seal from Batman Forever. Or "Change the World" from Phenomenon.
- Adam Lambert, "Born to be Wild" from Easy Rider. Thank you, Adam, from being your old, screechy self. Relatively great performance. Freak on, alright. Simon said the entire thing felt too Rocky Horror Picture Show. Which Adam took as a compliment. My song choice for Adam: "20th Century Boy" by T. Rex from 20th Century Boys. Do foreign-language films count? I would love to see him go all emo on this one. Hmm. Maybe not.
- Matt Giraud, "Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?" from Don Juan DeMarco. I never really really really got this song. And I'm guessing I'm not the only one. He starts off nicely but ends with contradicting runs. Quite a mess, unfortunately, since I like this guy. I'm guessing he'll be voted out later. My song choice for Matt: "Til I Hear It From You" by Gin Blossoms from the movie Empire Records.
- Danny Gokey, "Endless Love" from Endless Love. Ehem. Not as painful an experience as I thought it would be. But it made me sleepy. And bored. So bored that I began to hurt myself just for fun. My song choice for Danny: "Live and Let Die" by Paul McCartney from the James Bond movie, Live and Let Die. Or "I'm a Soul Man" from The Blues Brothers.
- Kris Allen, "Falling Slowly" from Once. No, he wasn't singing about the ratings of American Idol, silly. It's falling quite fast. But I agree with Tarantino, Kris, for all his boyish melt-me-I'm-butter-You're-the-bread cuteness (obviously getting hungry at this point), was the only contestant who took the theme to heart, in other words, everyone else's song choices frakking sucked. Kris can't compare to Glen Hansard's soaring, pain-drenched vocals but he did sing it with enough tenderness that it worked. Worked on me quite a lot. My song choice for Kris: "I Can See Clearly" from Cool Runnings. Just to sell the Jason Mraz vibe he's got going.
- Lil Rounds, "The Rose" from The Rose. Lil strikes back! And fails. She was defending her song choice, that she went all gospel and R&B with the arrangement, but Simon goes, "But it's a Bette Midler song." Simon for the win! Lil should really go tonight. My song choice for Lil: "Son of a Preacher Man" from Pulp Fiction. A little nod to Quentin's reservoir of patience with the kids.